Him

The first time I saw him I didn't notice anything special about him. The first time I heard his voice he was presenting himself. I saw his cap, he was wearing it back to front so I inmediatly assumed he was one of the cool kids, these kind of jocks that have lots of friends  and are really popular. I remember him saying "My name is Abhiraj but my friends call me Abhi", I found it interesting how even when he was presenting himslef, he was mentioning his friends.

Then after the second meeting, I remember Beverlyn talking about "The big 5", I was at the other end of the room so I couldn't hear a thing, but I remember him interrupting her and say it for her, of course at that time I didn't have any idea about what he was studying, I just thought, how arrogant, can't he notice that maybe the rest of us don't know?

By the end of that week, we had our first evening, we had a lot of work to do. That day was when I first noticed him. He was actually nice. Then we went together to Tesco to get food and he did the funniest thing. He bought a ready-made meal that needed 5 minutes in the microwave, I think it was curry. Then, when we got back, he started eating it cold, just like that. It was so stupid, what a weird creature he was, ashamed of even using the microwave, I kind of pitied him a bit.  Then I tried to teach him to play cards, because that was his activity and he didn't have any idea about it.

In a break during the activities, we were talking, he was wearing a white shirt, it looked good on him but it was way too big for him. He was saying that he had gone to Primark to get it but that they didn't have his size. Then his dark eyes looked at me, they captivated and paralysed me completely. From that moment, I started liking him, and as time passed it only got worse.

After some time, we went on the first trip with the 16, as we set foot on the house we found a fly, or a mosquito, an insect, inmediatly, he went running asking everyone not to kill it, we grabbed a box and tried to set it free. I found that really sweet, I wish I could have that kind of love for animals. Meeting the 16 is great, you always have a lot of fun. But at one point, everyone wanted to go to bed. He wanted to stay awake to see the sunrise. I liked him so I wanted to stay too. So we tarted talking, we talked about life and about making a difference, about helping others. He was this weird kind of person that genuinelly wants to help others. He told me he wanted to be a ranger  in India, that he wanted to get a PhD, that he wanted to save endengared species and study them. I couldn't help liking him, because he reminded me  of myself. He was an idealist, a romantic, so naive and hopelessly dedicated to his cause. We didn't see the sunrise, it was too cloudy, but it was worthy. The next night I stayed awake in the same room waiting  for deep talk, but there was no luck. We had a bet of who would be able to stay awake for longer. Of course I won. It's so ironic. On the train back he was sleeping, I took a picture, but I think it's lost now. He had the weirdest way of sleeping, half of his back was straight and  the other half was curved, it was so funny to see.

After that trip, I started texting him quite often, I would show him a new quizz I had found, I just remember I would find a lot of excuses to text him, I wonder if he found it annoying but he always replied, so I convinced myself that I wasn't an annoyance. I told him about films I liked and he showed me the worms he had worked with in the morning. I remember the first time I touched him, the sink was full of water, we were looking for something, a fork maybe, and I touched  his hand accidentally.

During Guy Fawkes Night, we went to a fair, I was so afraid of the attractions, but he forced me to try one, he grabbed my wallet and said he wouldn't give it back to me until I tried it. I loved the way he was pushing me to be a better person, he barely knew me but he wanted to help me to deal with my fears. When we were talking, he dropped my wallet and  credit cards and they fell on the mud. Of course he used his T-shirt to clean it. Who does that? Cleaning my credit cards with his T-hirt! I also remember  that everytime we saw someone in the street begging he would give them some money, it made me feel so egocentric and selfish, I kind of wanted to be like him more considerate with others and their pain.

I enjoyed being with him so I asked him to watch a movie together, he texted yes and I remember that when I saw his reply I started jumping so much I could have broken the floor of my room.  Then, when we were together puting posters on the streets he asked me "So who else is coming?", my heart  sunk (I intended it to be just the two of us of course), I had a lump in my throat, and whilst trying to avoid the question, all I was able to come up with was "Oh look, a squirrel, I love squirrels" then I told him to forget about the movie, I hadn't been so politely rejected in my life, but I knew what it meant.

After that, I tried to stop talking to him as much as possible, I was embarassed of even looking at him to the face. But he was trying to show me that he was still my friend. During Thanksgiving, he helped me through my mistakes and my anxiety, he kept sayin "Irene, conquer your fears", and actually I was so grateful that he could see through my pain and wanted to help me. Once we had finished serving, some people stayed talking with each other, I found a really nice guy who talked about religion and music, this old guy was a believer, you could see his faith by the way he talked, I found it so interesting that I stayed talking with the guy. When he saw me, talking with someone while everyone else was cleaning, instead of scolding me he even offered me a chair to sit down. Those small gestures amazed me, how he could see through me and understand me .

 He never complained about anyone but was quite uptight and serious, I had the feeling he suffered because he was from a different culture and wasn't used to the usal western student life, well I don't know about the students who live in the East, but apparently they are more hard-working. He seemed surprised by a lot of cultural differences and  had a lot of curiousity as well. He told me about it during our Christmas dinner, when we got back together. During that walk he started talking about a lot of things. It felt good to get to talk to him again. But after that, I didn´t get to see him until January.

 The break felt really lonely, I really wanted him to text me but he never did. The first time we talked in 2017 was under a table, we were wrapping it and he was trying to make some chit-chat, asking me how I was doing, of course it felt weird. We kept the distance until the second trip. Something marvelous happened there. We got distanced from the group following Alex, and suddenly we started talking a little. Then during the night, we went out wiht Khosyi to watch the stars, I don't know how we got there, but he cried, saying that all his life had been focused on studying and that he never enjoyed a teenage life with friends and parties. He was in so much pain.

The next weeks we started meeting eventually to go for jogs, going to the park was great, the weather was better and we even went to a fair alone. I wanted to be a good friend for him, I wanted to help him with whatever he was going through. I had my times of sadness though. How could I help him if I couldn't escape my own sadness and inferioriy complex. But he felt comfortable with me, we even  went to the movies. Once I told him that I wanted to get a tattoo that reminded me of him, I guess that if you are in love with somebody you can't help saying silly things from time to time.

Then the third trip happened, it was great, we got to see a cementery and go through meadows full of  grass. That was the last time the 16 was meeting, I was really sad because I knew I wouldn't be able to be in Manchester the next year. So I suggested to go to the movies, he came and when we were going back home he asked the worst question ever, I dont remember properly but it was something like this "So when you asked me to watch that movie with you was it because you liked me?". I wasn't planning on telling him that because I wanted to still be friends, but as it was the last time I was gonna see him in my life I decided to be honest. We kept talking about it while we were walking, he focused the questions on me, "So do you still like me?", he was making me suffer so much, I couldn't stop looking to the ground, how could he be so mean?. He suggested to go to the park so we kept walking, we climbed the giant spider web made for kids, I couldn't look at him, I was just looking to the sky and enjoying the quietness of the city. I don't remember what we talked about during all that time, there is a gap in  my memory between the questions mentioned above and his surprising "Do you want to try a long distance something?" then I answered "Yes" and my life has completley changed since then.